hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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