The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's official drugs can't kill me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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