I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
