Need sex. Gaining weight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
