I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
