I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
