I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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