can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
