Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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