Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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