Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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