Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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