he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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