Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
