So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
