Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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