why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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