Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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