She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
