We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
