I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
