I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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