i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
