So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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