Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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