this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize