the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
