considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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