there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
