Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
