So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
