Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize