So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
