my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
