Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
