My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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