Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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