Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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