what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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