i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
