You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
