Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
