So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How external is "for external use only"?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
