you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
NoShamevember. You game?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
