The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
