alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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