You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
