so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize