she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't turn off my feet"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
