She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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