sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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