in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
