Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
