Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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