we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
