i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
