My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
