My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I could make wine with my vomit
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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