I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
